To My Inner Child

So first of all, thank you so much for taking time to read my words. This page is so new and it means a lot to me to have your support.

A lot of the things I write about are deeply personal but I do believe it is often these life experiences that allow us to find out not only so much about ourselves but to find beautiful connections with others.

A huge part of the healing journey for me has been learning to recognise my inner child.......

Have you ever thought about what you’d say to yourself as a child? Or write to yourself? It is so therapeutic.

There are a lot of things I’d like to say but this is where I will begin.....

Let me wrap my arms around you and hold you close while I tell you some things. Lay your head on my chest. Hear my heart beat and allow my words and the sound of my voice to wash over you and comfort you. You do not need to worry about listening or understanding. Just relax and allow me to love you.

Firstly I want you to know everything is going to be ok. I can promise you that. You were so young when you first experienced trauma. Barely six years of age. Your Mummy away in hospital for months. Not seeing her even once. It's ok to be scared. But I promise you that she is going to be ok. She gets better. And she goes on to become an old woman. Her strength is beyond this world.

Age eight you and your family will move away from the town you were born. Leaving all the faces and places familiar to you. A new house, so exciting it was to move to a house with stairs. As a child it seems such a long coach trip to Dublin, just you and your daddy. You two first to the new house and you getting the biggest bedroom.

Unfortunately only two years later your Daddy passes away. Ten years old. It's sudden, shocking and it's your first real heart break. The events around this will influence so much of your life and the choices you make. But I promise you this. for all the pain you feel there will be healing and for every moment of darkness there will be light.

Let me hold you a little tighter now my child. Listen as my heart beats a little faster.

It's ok to feel scared. Your world has been turned upside down. It's ok to cry. It's ok to scream. Anything is better than being in painful silence.

You are still a child. Play with your toys. Play with your dolls. Read stories and lose yourself in them. Dance like nobody is watching. Sing loudly without a care in the world. Make friends without fear of judgement. You're not as different to everyone else as you believe. Don't waste time wanting to be like other people or comparing yourself. You're perfect as you are Do anything and everything that makes your heart feel good.

Try to be good for your Mum, she's just a child in a woman's body. She loves you and her strength is quite possibly also her weakness.

No matter how alone and abandoned you may feel, no matter how scared you get, I can promise you something, you won’t always feel this way. When you get older you will become strong and empowered. So before I let you go from this deep embrace I will whisper something in your ear. ‘Everything you need is deep within you’ As you grow up and get older I promise to help you realise this.

But most importantly allow me to love you.

X